Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize