I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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