The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
