nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
