I want to make a zoo with you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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