I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
