does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
