Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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