I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize