Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
