have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
