He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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