benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
