six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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