how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
mondays should just be called national damage control day
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
God, I missed his penis.
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