Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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