I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
