$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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