dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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