he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
