Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
