just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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