how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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