Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
