I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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