Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
