I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize