About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
