his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
