Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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