I don't usually arrange sex via text message
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
