hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
