and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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