yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
