you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
