i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
