All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
