We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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