wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
