I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
