she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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