you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
