the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
