quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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