after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
