First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
