i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
