two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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