I feel great
I just peed on a car
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
