hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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