I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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