I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
