I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize