i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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