Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
