from now on my penis is your penis
You can't special order awesome
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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