k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A bitchslap is in order.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
