Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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