Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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