im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
