my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
