i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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