you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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