Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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