she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
