So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.