Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.