At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring