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I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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