Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.